Good and Tasty, Down with Pastry is a small yet mighty facebook group, with a modest and devoted following. Conceived in the UMD Hillel dining room years ago, it was designed as a forum to complain about the Hillel meal plan.
We follow our mission statement closely, "All Talk and No Action," as we collectively dream of a day when young men and women across the country, etc.
Along the way we have admittedly lost focus and evolved.
That evolution is chronicled in these rare, previously unreleased, messages that were sent to a private list of senior officers and board-members.
GATDWP 3/26/09
"A Traitor In Our Midst"
Good and Tasty Nation,
It saddens me that I must message you under such grave and upsetting circumstances, but an issue has arisen that calls for swift and immediate deliberation.
As you know, there has been abundant discussion on the blogosphere about GATDWP, Inc.'s mishandling of our current financial difficulties. It appears as if a prominent blogger, under the username "GirlzzRock," has been at the helm of the anti-GATDWP sentiments surfacing around the web.
Through a private investigator, payed for by a private contribution from a prominent South African family with interests in the downfall of Hillel Dining Plans in the Mid-Atlantic Region of the continental United States, we have discovered the identity of "GirlzzRock," and I am truly saddened to announce that she is one of our own.
From her induction into this elite and selective facebook group early last semester, Julie Rappaport has shown nothing short of greatness. Unlike our other new member, Daniel Perel, who was granted membership immediately followed by an overly harsh suspension, Julie is a natural talent unhindered by the disadvantages that stifle Daniel's growth. While Daniel's intellectual limitations revealed themselves fairly quickly, Julie demonstrated the potential that could have one day led her to the presidency of Good and Tasty.
Julie, however, has taken her gifts and used them to betray perhaps the only facebook group that has taken a personal interest in her future. Like a lonely wolf abandoned by her pack, Julie came to us and we provided. Now, that wolf has grown into a snake, and has slithered into the hearts of the faithful and used her venom to adulterate the values that once sustained her.
Julie will remain unpunished for the time being. Her only punishment will be the shame she has brought upon herself and her family, and the knowledge, with which she must live everyday, that she was able to take an ideal dedicated to liberating the minds and souls of the oppressed and poison it with her dissent and negativity.
Shame on you, Julie. May you be a shining example to the rest of Good and Tasty Nation of how the mighty can fall.
Good Luck, and Go Terps!
GATDWP 3/19/09
"Rest Easy"
Good and Tasty Nation,
Amidst the economic crisis in which we find ourselves, I take salvage in the idea that the brotherhood we have created from nothing but a humble desire for better food at Hillel prospers not on fiscal gains, but on gains in determination and zeal. Whatever our balance sheet may say, we have a healthy surplus of fervor for justice!
That being said, our balance sheet does show a healthy deficit in monetary funds. As you know, Taryn Ariel's addiction to various sorts of breast milks led to most of last year's gains being donated to the charity of her choice. While terror victims will now have the unalienable opportunity to trampoline at their leisure, our mighty facebook group found itself on the brink of bankruptcy.
But, thanks to the mind that brought you microwave-mits (so you don't burn your hands), Sam Stern (co-founder of GATDWP), our favorite facebook felines have invested heavily in the duty-free industry.
The duty-free industry, formerly open exclusively to borders and airports, has agreed to allow us to operate our own stores as part of a legal settlement won by our Chairwoman of the Olympic Committee. Elana Brownstein sued Duty-Free over the expressed limit of cigarette cartons she could buy, and won a generous settlement out of court. Elana was given her desired 10,000 packs of Marlboro Reds, as well as the right to open up her own stores. Strange, I agree, but that's what they offered.
As a result, we now own 25 duty-free shops in midwestern shopping malls, which offer everything the other shops in the mall offer, but without tax. We are the leading provider of jeans, scotch, perfume, skittles, and watches in over 14 states.
So, for now, rest easy knowing that Good and Tasty's efforts to clean up the dining halls of Hillels around the nation will be well funded until the United States government dissolves and nobody has to pay taxes anywhere.
God Bless and Go Terps!
(And don't forget, you can read all of GATDWP's past messages at http://www.numberthreepencil.com, as well as some other nonsense).
GATDWP 1/15/09
"Quarterly Report"
Shareholders,
I am writing this message from the corporate headquarters in the Cayman Islands, where Good and Tasty, Down With Pastry, Inc.'s remaining money is being laundered as we speak!
It's unfortunate that the majority of the $3.5 billion we raised by going public (in order to repay debts on our off-off-Broaodway adaptation of "Blossom," which gained popularity with neither the critics nor the public), has been lost.
The real tragedy, however, lies in my legal obligation, now that we're a publicly traded company, to now make those losses public with full disclosure on where those funds went.
Firstly, I think it goes without saying that it is still not a good time to invest in subprime mortgages. We had to learn this the hard way.
The rest of the money has been donated to charity. This was entirely accidental, and our press release at the time of the accident reported it as an accounting error. However, now that she is in treatment, I can disclose that Taryn Ariel, from our Ministry of Cultural Solutions, donated the money in a haze of defiance after her intervention. It's no secret that Ms. Ariel has a crippling addiction to human breast milk, a condition found commonly in other Polynesian adults that were raised in orphanages.
After several incidents where her work had been effected by her breast-milk induced deliriums, we organized an intervention. 2.5 billion dollars later (and GATDWP Presents: Trampolines for Terror), she is now in an Arizona rehabilitation center getting the treatment she desperately needs. Of course, upon release she'll serve an extra 16 months in a Turkish bathhouse as a result of her parole violation.
The good news? By 2012, every victim of terror will have their own trampoline.
The remaining funds are being laundered and invested in Good and Tasty's newest endeavor, which will be revealed at a later date. For now, sit back, fight the good fight, and keep trying to contact Elana Brownstein. Though she shows little interest in remaining friends after college, you must continue to wait for a call back with the characteristic zeal of a GATDWP member.
God Bless and Go Terps!
GATDWP 9/6/08
"Going Public"
Good and Tasty Nation,
Since my farewell message, I've received hundreds of thousands of responses informing me of the gross political, cultural, and social repercussions that a liquidation of this facebook group might have. It seems we are truly the heart of this generation, a movement that gives young Americans a reason to, etc.
That being said, we are many wonderful things but one thing we are not is an off-Broadway producer. Our $100 million investment, "Blossom," was seen by as few as six people, most of them Native-American theater reviewers we flew in for free. I must admit, even I've never seen it.
In addition, the volunteer program in South Africa we organized in order to fund this expensive undertaking collapsed fairly quickly. Our hearts go out to the loyal GATDWP members and their families who were taken captive immediately upon arrival. Our official stance on the issue is that it was a logistical misunderstanding. Unofficially, I never read the paperwork they sent me.
That is why I'd like to officially announce "Good and Tasty, Down with Pastry Corp.," a newly publicly traded firm on the Japanese Stock Exchange under the ticker GATDWP. In order to raise capital to buy back our profitable chain of bathhouses (and ultimately to buy t-shirts for the group), we have been working closely with Lehman Bros. to release our IPO.
Fortunately, the investment banking giant went under before they could collect the tens of millions of dollars we owe them for their services, money which we certainly do not have.
Unfortunately, I also invested most of our "emergency" money in Lehman Bros. earlier this year, so we are back to where we started, if not further behind.
It will be released Wednesday, and analysts predict it will raise more than enough money before the market realizes they've made a mistake
As my last request as President In Charge of Operations, I urge you not to buy this stock. We have a paper- thin business plan with a nonsensical strategy and inept management. I am merely hoping to ride the bubble of anti-Hillel investments and get out before it pops.
Additionally, like all publicly traded firms, we are being forced to release our financial statements as well any corporate-wide messages sent through facebook. They can be found at:
http://www.numberthreepencil.com
Lastly, congratulations to the Libby twins on their promotion to the Joint Committee. They just missed the cutoff for receiving stock options like all the other senior officers will, but that is nobody's fault but their own.
God Bless and Go Terps,
Michael Weber
Chariman and CEO of GATDWP Corp.
Good and Tasty Nation,
Since my farewell message, I've received hundreds of thousands of responses informing me of the gross political, cultural, and social repercussions that a liquidation of this facebook group might have. It seems we are truly the heart of this generation, a movement that gives young Americans a reason to, etc.
That being said, we are many wonderful things but one thing we are not is an off-Broadway producer. Our $100 million investment, "Blossom," was seen by as few as six people, most of them Native-American theater reviewers we flew in for free. I must admit, even I've never seen it.
In addition, the volunteer program in South Africa we organized in order to fund this expensive undertaking collapsed fairly quickly. Our hearts go out to the loyal GATDWP members and their families who were taken captive immediately upon arrival. Our official stance on the issue is that it was a logistical misunderstanding. Unofficially, I never read the paperwork they sent me.
That is why I'd like to officially announce "Good and Tasty, Down with Pastry Corp.," a newly publicly traded firm on the Japanese Stock Exchange under the ticker GATDWP. In order to raise capital to buy back our profitable chain of bathhouses (and ultimately to buy t-shirts for the group), we have been working closely with Lehman Bros. to release our IPO.
Fortunately, the investment banking giant went under before they could collect the tens of millions of dollars we owe them for their services, money which we certainly do not have.
Unfortunately, I also invested most of our "emergency" money in Lehman Bros. earlier this year, so we are back to where we started, if not further behind.
It will be released Wednesday, and analysts predict it will raise more than enough money before the market realizes they've made a mistake
As my last request as President In Charge of Operations, I urge you not to buy this stock. We have a paper- thin business plan with a nonsensical strategy and inept management. I am merely hoping to ride the bubble of anti-Hillel investments and get out before it pops.
Additionally, like all publicly traded firms, we are being forced to release our financial statements as well any corporate-wide messages sent through facebook. They can be found at:
http://www.numberthreepencil.com
Lastly, congratulations to the Libby twins on their promotion to the Joint Committee. They just missed the cutoff for receiving stock options like all the other senior officers will, but that is nobody's fault but their own.
God Bless and Go Terps,
Michael Weber
Chariman and CEO of GATDWP Corp.
Good and Tasty Nation,
Where have we found ourselves? Most of our most trusted senior officers are in service in either a bathhouse or in a South African rebel army, most of our junior officers are married to Dov Sebrow, and the rest are living on either the upper west side of New York City, or on the upper west side of North Campus. My how we have grown.
It seems not too long ago I was eating a warm, stale dinner of old chicken and delicious, delicious cookies with Sam and Kyra in the Ben and Esther Rosenbloom Center for Jewish Life and Kids Who Can't Read Good, passionately arguing over why there should be a forum to complain about the Hillel dining plan.
Now, almost 3 full years later, Kyra is a midwife married to a prestigious philanthropist, Sam is well on his way to being accepted into an above below-average medical school, and I am still writing scarcely-read, borderline unsettling notes to a nonsensical internet social group.
However, all kidding aside (GATDWP is by no means nonsensical), we have indeed achieved our goal. Three years of unattended meetings, rich with discussion and cake and punch. Three years of designing tshirts, acquiring and selling various bathhouses, financing off-broadway productions of 90s sitcoms, watching the painful fall of our beloved Minister of Cultural Solutions, the painful rise of Daniel Perel. They have all had a purpose. It brings me great honor and satisfaction to announce that the Hillel Meal Plan is, and I mean this, good. They have torn up their old contract, hanged Todd, and instituted an all-you-can-eat policy.
With Taryn back from parole and in rehab for her embarrassing addiction to public urination, Elana Brownstein back from Salt Lake City and well on her way to a successful career in turning her back on old friends, with both Libby's gone and a new, even more frightening, one controlling the halls of Hillel, with a new class of Freshman that would laugh at the idea of a facebook group dedicated to complaining (and then call me creepy and leave me standing alone with the sephardi guy that serves deli sandwiches), have we served our purpose?
This message is a call to action. If you'd like to continue the fight, please respond. Some suggestions have been raised to help build awareness for Y3K.
Perhaps for the last time,
God Bless and Go Terps!
GATDWP 6/12/08
"Exit Strategy"
Good and Tasty Nation,
A dark time is upon us. I write this message from a small cubicle on Madison Avenue, a vibrant refuge in a sea of dullness. Unfortunately, I have been forced to find a secondary means of income, as I have been unable to work on GATDWP full-time this summer.
You may remember our grotesquely profitable sale of the Turkish Bathhouses we nursed from a dream into an empire. You may also remember our subsequent investment in the theatrical version of "Blossom" starring Maya Bialik. Well, last month it hit way-off-Broadway with a resounding thud! In-flight airline magazines were the harshest reviewers, while major-city newspapers seemed not to notice its opening at all. (However, The Navajoe Daily, the most widely circulated Indian-reservation paper, liked it "..somewhat").
That being said, the play must go on! It is being performed tri-daily in front of nobody, and I urge you all to buy tickets for you and your loved ones. What better Father's Day activity than seeing Blossom live?
But do not depair. GATDWP International has been supplying several armies in Southern Africa with ammunition (we do not ask what for), and has agreed to help us out in return for a small contribution to their enterprise.
That is why I am officially announcing the new Good and Tasty post-grad volunteer program! Upon graduation from an accredited university, we will each be traveling to the South of Africa to help our clients' cause. It is a 3-year mandatory service period, but most of our volunteers in the past extended it because they were enjoying it so much. You'll make great friends and see parts of the world not many people get to/want to see. Remember to bring sunscreen!
Before I go, congratulations to Nicole Chait on her recent graduation, and good luck to Daniel Perel with his upcoming Good and Tasty sentencing.
God Bless and Go Terps!
GATDWP, 4/27/08
"Realized Dreams, Unrealized Profits"
Good and Tasty Nation,
Welcome back! I hope you all had an enjoyable Spring break and I Iook forward to hearing about it at our upcoming bimesterly meeting.
Before I begin I'd like to wish a heartfelt mazal tov on behalf of the entire facebook group to Dov Sebrow and Kyra Bernstien-Sebrow. I especially look forward to seeing our only married couple to-date at our next meeting, which will be held in their apartment. (As always, cake and punch will be served).
Additionally, I'd like to extend a mazal tov to Daniel Peril on being promoted to Commissioner of Discipline and Probationary Measures. He will have sole power over taking members off probation and other such duties.
I have great news and bad news. The great news is that our hard work has paid off, and in early January several Japanese investors made us an offer for our surprisingly profitable chain of Turkish bathhouses. Perhaps due to our mandatory-service program, or perhaps due to the recent influx of Turkish refugees, they sold for a net gain of $175 million dollars early last week. I was then faced with two options: either pay that money out to all members who ordered tshirts (which you might remember started it all), or find another project to invest in.
I'm happy to announce that we'll be funding "GATDWP Presents: Blossom", an off-broadway adaptation of the popular television series of the early 90s. To-date, it is by far the most expensive play ever produced, on Broadway or off, and has already received mediocre reviews from several high-school newspapers.
But not to worry. As per our agreement, you will all still be able to serve in the bathhouses upon graduation from an accredited university. It took some negotiating, but you know how I do.
The bad news is that the Good and Tasty chapter in Michigan has been officially recognized as a terrorist cell by school officials. Our legal department is sorting that mess out, but for now I think we can all learn from their sloppiness.
On a lighter note: Spring is here, and as is so often done in Spring we will be doing some cleaning. Certain members of the group have been underperforming and it's time for us to free some space up on our officers list. The first victim of this spacial cleansing will be Daniel Peril.
Peril, we had high hopes for you coming in and as you know you were the only Sophomore invited into this intimate group this year. You have made zero contribution thus far and have been a severe disappointment. Frankly, you've become a liability to our community. We are putting you on probation as part of our "out of sight, out of mind" initiative, and we hope you take that time to reevaluate where you are headed, whether within this facebook group or elsewhere. Additionally, since your recent promotion, you are the only officer with the power to take members off of probation. That obviously poses a problem, as with your power suspended there is nobody to take away your probation. Perhaps you should have thought about that before your wild and crude slacking-off.
Until next time,
God Bless and Go Terps!
GATDWP, 2/18/08
"The Late Heath Ledger"
Good and Tasty Nation,
I hope this message finds you all in good health and high hopes. It has been a tumultuous season for our mighty little group, but once again we have proven our diligence and determination. Our character was put through the test of adversity and it has undoubtedly emerged shining and victorious. I am of course speaking of the unfortunate events witnessed by us all through our televisions and radios this past month and which has no doubt left its mark on our hearts. It has been almost three weeks since Mary Kate Olsen was viciously and maliciously accused of having a hand in the death of the late Australian actor, Heath Ledger. Ms. Olsen has long been an active and outspoken supporter of GATDWP both in the national media and abroad, and our official stance on the matter is to stand by her in her time of need as she has stood by us countless times. Just one example is the charges of genocide incitement against our former Ministry of Public Relations. Though the officer being accused has since been dealt with, (she is currently serving time for tax evasion and public defecation as I mentioned in an earlier note), Ms. Olsen never shied away from our defense. In fact, even in this case where Ms. Ariel was in clear and shameful violation of countless human rights laws as well as several international laws of war agreed upon at the Geneva Convention, Ms. Olsen blindly followed us into the dark. And we will honor her by doing the same.
On a much more serious note, I am happy to report that Elana Brownstien is doing a fantastic job in Salt Lake City, where she is currently serving her mandatory 12-month management of a local bathhouse. As you may remember, the service (mandatory to all members upon graduation from an accredited university) will cover the taxes on the tshirts we have not yet ordered, and is a vital part to the formation and maturity any GATDWP member. I know I made some of my greatest lifelong friends during my service and learned more about Turkish bathhouses than I, or anybody, will ever need to know.
If you are wondering why Elana has not contacted you or shown any sort of interest in how you're doing or just generally being your friend post-college, do not worry. She is just so busy running things for us down in Salt Lake City that, and I quote , she "doesn't even have time to show the common courtesy granted to people that invite me over for late-night pumpkin pie." I'm not sure what she means by that, but I assume it's a private joke. She is a fine leader and true patriot, and we wish her the best of luck in the remainder of her time there.
Until next time, God Bless and Go Terps!
GATDWP 12/21/07
"Coming and Going"
Fellow Patriots,
I write you this message from the National GATDWP retreat in New
Hampshire, where all the directors and promising young leaders in Good
and Tasty Nation meet once a year for various workshops, conferences,
and team building exercises. I'm happy to report that I've met some
wonderful young men and women from around the globe doing some really
fantastic things in their Hillels (or Hilleli, I'm not sure how to
pluralize that awful word), and I'm super excited to implement some of
their ideas in our own.
On a lighter note, I'd like to introduce Daniel to our group. After a
year and half of rigorous mental and physical tests he has finally
completed the necessary paperwork and waivers, and has been admitted
as the newest member to our modest and proud facebook group. May god
bless you with the strength and resolve to fight against the monster
that has been systematically trodding us down with etc, etc.
On an even lighter note, I'd like to wish farewell to Taryn Ariel,
head of the Ministry of Cultural Solutions. You may know her from her
award-winning work with gypsy-population-control on campus, or from
her short but memorable career as the voice of Eddie Murphy's
character on the clay animation series, "The PJ's". As many of you
know, my money laundering plan involving bathhouses across the country
to avoid minor tax-costs on the t-shirts I never ordered was an utter
disaster. What you may not know is that the proper authorities have
been investigating the situation for quite some time and have gathered
the necessary evidence to convict us of various tax-evasion and
genocide charges. The good news is that I was able to focus all the
charges on Taryn, and along with her pending public-defecation charges
in 5 states, it looks like she'll be going away for a very long time!
So, if you don't see Taryn around campus next semester you'll know
where she is. Best of luck Taryn, and
may god protect you in prison from the gypsies you fought so hard to put there.
And of course, your mandatory 12-month service in bathhouse management
is still compulsory. Even though it's no longer economically or
legally viable to continue with this plan, we must project a public
image of optimism and positivity.
And lastly, happy birthday to Elana Brownstein. She will not only be
turning 20-something this week, but will also be graduating. I wish
her the best of luck in her future endeavors and hope she will
continue with her post as Chairwoman of the Olympic Committee.
Until next semester, keep fighting the good fight...
God Bless and Go Terps!
Good and Tasty, Down With Pastry, 11/08/07
"Welcome Back"
Good And Tasty Nation:
I address you tonight with a combined sense of excitement and apprehension. Much has happened since my last message, both to our group personally and to our community at large, and I am unsure how to address the amount of emotional turmoil we've been through such a meager source of communication. However, in the tradition of our great group, I will try my best.
As many of you know, tragedy had claimed one of our most respected officers, and it not only affected us as her colleagues in the fight against injustice, but as her friends. I am of course speaking about Taryn Ariel, Minister of Cultural Solutions, who was so savagely beaten by the very gypsies she was trying to protect us from. She has since recovered from the attack and her fervor and passion in the fight against the Gypsy problem is stronger than ever. Be'hatzlacha and Yasher Kochech to her.
On a more serious note, Kyra Bernstein, our former President In Charge of Operations (and more recently the only senior officer in the history of GATDWP to be demoted to a junior officer) has returned from her long hiatus doing god-knows-what and has been spotted by authorities in Columbia. It is our official stance on the issue that she is doing covert operations in their Hillel, and is serving our best interests in that region. So, it is in this message that I'd like to announce her promotion to Chief Justice of North American Operations and welcome her back into the senior officerhood. Welcome Back.
As you know, you are now once again obligated to serve your mandatory 12-month service in one of the many bathhouses we've set up to avoid paying taxes on the t-shirt program that not only never got off the ground, but turned out to be very expensive anyway. Dov is more than welcome to come, but his training is not covered by your membership fee. Mazal Tov!
Last but not least, Todd Von Tripp, or Todd, has resigned from Hillel dining services as of Sunday. I consider this a personal victory for GATDWP and I extend my deepest congratulations to the hard working members in it. We're not sure what he did, but with him gone, perhaps we've taken a step in the right direction. It may also be a large step backwards...only time will tell.
As you may have noticed, neither I nor many of the founding and most active members of this fine group find ourselves in Hillel as frequently as we once had, let alone eating there. It is an inconvenient truth, but one we must face head-on. Even though the subpar dining at the Ben and Esther Rosenbloom Center For Jewish Life no longer has an immediate affect on us, we must look towards the future. Future generations will look back to us and ask, "Did you know what was happening? Why didn't you do anything while you still could?"
Well we still have time, and I will NOT give up. Perhaps I will, but I know Gadi won't. And if he does, then Danny definitely won't. He's gonna be there for a long time.
Keep your heads up and your minds open. Bless you all and let's go Terps!
Michael Weber
Founder and Chairman of the Board
Good and Tasty, Down With Pastry, 4/11/07
"It Is Time"
Hello to all of you in Good and Tasty Nation.
As we retun from the holiday of Passover, I would be remiss not to equate what we are doing with our special facebook group to the world-shaking Exodus that G-d performed for a small group of slaves millions of years ago. I guess, in a way, we are both just trying to make a better life for the Jewish people.
On a more t-shirty note:
THE T-SHIRTS are finally DONE! Our design team, headed by myself and the Minister of Cultural Solutions, has come up with a shirt that's literally outta sight. Just ask Rachel Finkelstein, our President in Charge of Operations: "I can't believe he did it! It's more than a tshirt, really, it's more like wearable art!"
It's a beautiful green American Apparel tshirt with white writing, with a tasty design on the front and some words on the back. As it is, it'll be around $21 per shirt (which proves our investments in luxury bathhouses just to avoid that price a waste of time and energy ).
In all seriousness, if you want to order a shirt, respond to this message and give me your size. Also, if you guys think it's too expensive, try finding another facebook group that has its own tshirt, then let me know if you've found one, join it, and never ever show your face to a GATDWP meeting again. You will no longer be welcome.
Please get back to me with your size, so the shirts can be given out at our end of year bash. Jewel will be performing as part of the closing ceremony, so you won't want to miss it!
God Bless, and Go Terps!
GATDWP 3/28/07
"Right to Exist"
Hello all. I hope everyone had a productive break, and are continuing to raise awareness for our special cause.
After a long discussion with the co-founder of the group, Sam Stern, it has come to my attention that there is a serious political issue at hand.
It is no longer acceptable to the GATDWP community that the current Hillel regime refuses our facebook group's right to exist.
Rachel Finklestein systematically turns down our every request to announce our meeting on Friday nights, and has left us out of the annual budget allocation yet again!
This is no longer acceptable, and we must rally as a group to bring attention to our mighty cause. There will be rallies taking place in front of the conference room every Tuesday afternoon, and there will be a letter writing campaign to Ms. Finklestein and the entire Kedma board.
She has called us, and I do not quote, " Pigs who are an abomination to the HIllel community, and must be removed by any mean possible."
The Kedma board does not want peace with us, they want us gone. Let your rally cries soar high and mighty through the halls of the Ben and Esther Rosenbloom Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good: G.A.T.D.W.P., G.A.T.D.W.P.!!!
We are here to stay, and nobody will take that away from us.
On a lighter note, keep your eyes open for the GATDWP tshirts, coming soon.
God Bless, and Go Terps!!
GATDWP 2/25/07
"Meeting Cancelled"
Attention:
Due to inclement weather, tonight's meeting will be cancelled, and rescheduled for a more convenient date.
Nicole, please relax, you will have a chance to voice your opinion over Taryn's qustionable stance on Gypsies, next week.
I will contact you as soon as we figure out a better date for the meeting.
God Bless, and Go Terps!
Good and Tasty, Down With Pastry, 2/20/07
"Good and Tasty Nation"
Hello GATDWP Nation! Hard at work, or work at hardly?
We are stronger than ever, and growing by the hour. Before you read on, you may want to take a moment to pat yourself on the back.
I have much to say and not much time to say it, so I'll be brief.
Firstly, I would like to publicly congratulate Taryn on the great job she's doing as Minister of Cultural Solutions. The Gypsy situation is under control, and talks are underway for a peaceful agreement regarding our blanket inventory. Yes, in case of emergency I have us all covered, blanket-wise. I would also like to announce that Taryn is being put in charge of designing and ordering GATDWP apparel for all ceritified members. Tshirts and trucker hats will be available by the end of March for around $15 each. Of course all desgins need to be approved by me and the new Boardwoman of the Ethics Committee, Elana Brownstein. Congratulations to her and her family. Wear your Tshirts proud and spread our message.
Secondly, but certainly not lastly, I would like to announce the second of our bimester meetings. It will take place Sunday night, at 9:00 PM EST in Elana Brownstein's apartment. And to think, last meeting she was not even in the group! Just goes to show where a little hard work will get you. Of course, the meeting is only open to Senior Officers, so any Jr. Officers in Training should politely keep your distance from our proceedings. Danny, our Ambassador of Bravery, will make sure everything goes smoothly, Kyra. We do not want a repeat of, now commonly referred to as, "the night Kyra got drunk and embarrassed herself and her facebook group by not mentioning them in her Friday night announcements."
As always, cake and punch will be served. The guest speaker is TBD.
So, I am looking forward to seeing you all there, and keep on keepin' on.
God Bless, and go terps!
Good and Tasty, Down With Pastry, 2/7/07
"Welcome"
Hello everybody, and welcome back to school. I'm sure we all had enjoyable vacations, but it's time to get back to work. Dilly-dallying time is over.
As I'm sure you are all aware of, Rachel Finklestein was inaugurated this evening as President in Charge of Operations. We look forward to 900 prosperous years from her as the leader of this great group.
I would also like to congratulate Taryn Ariel for being inducted to the Ministry of Cultural Solutions. You have a large task before you, Taryn, but we are confident you can't screw this one up.
Before I discuss our bi-annual meeting, I would like to publicly recognize Ellianna Leader for her work in College Park's Cookie Community. She is currently working on reparing Insomnia's tarnished reputation after their infamous Gypsy fiasco. She has been named liason of GATDWP to the cookie community, and we all look forward to the delicious benefits she will no doubt share with us.
Jus to let everybody know, Kyra has been released from her rehab program, and besides for a slight relapse involving her use of a prescription drug known commonly as 'cough syrup', she's doing great! She has been reinstated as Jr. Assistant Officer in Training, a good start for anyone looking to make a difference.
Lastly, our bi-annual meeting is being scheduled as we speak. Please be on the lookout for the exact date. There will be guest speakers and as always, cake and punch will be served.
Also, GATDWP hats and tshirts will be available soon, with all proceeds going to the charity of my choice.
God Bless, and GO TERPS!
GATDWP 12/11/06
"Out with the Old"
Hello Everyone. I'm sure you are all extremely busy studying for finals, so I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.
I'm sure everybody is now aware that our former president, Kyra Bernstein, had to be relieved of her position as President In Charge of Operations, due to, what the official report was quoted as calling it, " conduct unbefitting of an officer. " She is currently under professional supervision for her horrifically debilitating addiction to alchohol and other controlled substances. I have been in contact with her councelor, and she assures me that Kyra, besides for an unfortunate incident involving the alchohol she managed to excrete from a bottle of Listerine, is well on her way to rejoining society as a productive member, and not as a parasite to its economy, social programs, and various facebook groups that trusted her with invaluable information and repsonsibilities. On a lighter note, GATDWP has extended full membership with benefits to Kedma's newest, and very capable, president, Rachel Finklestein. It has been tradition in our group to also ask the Kedma President to take charge of the presidency of GATDWP, so I am pleased to announce our offer to Ms. Finklestein to be our new President In Charge of Operations. It is a position ripe with scandal, dishonor, and shame, but we think you are the right woman to restore pride and decency to the post.
We are also developing a dental plan for the members of the group. Officers would have full coverage, while all other members will receive up to $2000 coverage per year, in addition to a dental-hygiene travel pack, useful for short trips or overnight stays.
Goood Luck on finals, god bless, and Go Terps!
GATDWP 11/13/06
"We Did Not Negotiate"
Congratulations to everyone, we have officially survived our first, of what no doubt will be many, terrorist threats to our group. Nicole Chait has backed down on her threat to report the group, as we all expected. She is a coward and a traitor, and has shamed not only herself, but her family and friends as well. We all have suspected that she did not have it in her to go through with her threat, and we were absolutely right. She has been removed from her officer position and will be remembered always as a fearmonger. A written reprimand has been issued. I think we should all spend the night with our family and friends. Sometimes an event like this is just what we need. go terps...
GATDWP 11/13/06
"Attack"
Im sure everybody has heard by this point, but at 9:41 pm EST, an emergency meeting was conducted by the co-founders as stipulated in the bilaws of the GATDWP Univeristy of Maryland Charter, and Kyra Bernstein was removed as President In charge of Operations by a vote of 3-1. This came as a result of her failure to comply with the terms given to her at the annual meeting. She will be temporarily replaced by Sam Stern, who is acting as interim-president until a new one can be voted in by the officers. We are also currently dealing with a a terrorist situation, involving the assitant to the Director of Internal aAfairs. Nicole Chait has threatened to report our group to Facebook unless I agree to promote her Director of Intelligence. We have a strict policy not to negotiate with terrorists, so at the end of her 24 hour leeway period, we will see what happens. If this is the last message I send to everyone, God Bless and Fight On. go terps...
GATDWP 11/7/06
"Bimesterly Meeting"
Hey Guys! First off I'd like to thank Elli Leader for joining the group, she's got a lot to say, and a lot of heart. Welcome aboard Elli! It's great to have you. Secondly, as you all know elections are coming up. All officers are currently in the second year of their two year term, so come Novemeber 7, 2007, things are gonne be shaken up a bit. Danny will be tough to beat out for An Officer You Can't Refuse, but the youngguns are showing a lot of promise. Remember, noone's position is guaranteed, and if you want to keep it, you'll have to earn it come election time. Thirdly, I'd like to point your attention to the new system at Hillel for just a second. Elli is in the process of writing a wall-post about it, and I think we all of a lot of things to say about it. So, we're going to be holding our annual meeting in Commons 5200 on Thursday, Novemeber 9 @ 7pm. We'll discuss issues regarding the new payment system, and pie and punch will be served. All officers are strongly urged to be there, and if you cannot make it, please contact me and we can work something out. Lastly, my condolences to Kyra Bernstien, our treasured President In Charge Of Operations. She's been battling with alchoholism for nearly a year now, and while GATDWP's official stance is to never recognize it, our hearts go out to her. She will be at the meeting Thursday night, and I know we'll all enjoy her delicious pie and punch that she loves to make. Fight on. go terps!
Good and Tasty, Down With Pastry, 3/20/06
"Emergency Notice"
Many have you have already voiced concern over the recent GATDWP apparel project, currently underway, and I am writing this emergency notice to reassure you, the issue is being taken care of.
As many of you know, Hillel International has set up a local division to stomp out any rebellious acitivies on campus. Obviously, we are their primary concern, and a case is being organized to, and I quote from a report obtained through a source who wishes to remain nameless ( but will not, his name is Asher Wisostzky ), to " pursue the destruction of Good and Tasty, Down with Pastry by any means necessary."
As you may remember, I told you the tshirts and hats would cost $15, tax free. The cowards at Hillel will no doubt notice this, and we can't afford confrontation at this point.
But not to worry.
Through cooperation with a local financier, who is well known for awards he recieved on his work with the Gypsy community in southern D.C., we have come up with a plan to steer clear of any complications, which could potentially raise the price of the tshirts to almost $20, including tax.
I have invested in luxury bathhouses across the country, through which all of GATDWP's funds will be funnelled, thereby avoiding any trail that could lead back to our apparel project, which is crucial to our group's survivial. By doing this, the tshirts can remain tax free, and at the super low price of $15.
In accordance with this plan, each member of the group, upon graduation from UMD, is expected to serve one year of service managing a bathhouse in a given American city. For example, Rachel would manage the Turkish bathhouse in Cleveland for twelve months, and then continue with her education, career, etc.
All Jr. Assistant Officers in Training are also expected to serve the group, and upon completion of their duties will graduate to full senior members, pending a review from the Board of Ethics.
Sam Stern, co-founder of the group, has given his full support to the project, and urges us all to embrace it enthusiastically,
and that "your contribution really makes a difference."
God Bless, and Go Terps!
